New Year’s Relationship Review

January is a time when many people review their lives and their priorities for the coming year. Spending some time focussing on our most significant relationships is likely to be time well spent.

Your relationship has probably changed in a number of different ways since it began – some of them positive and some perhaps less so. If you think it might be helpful to give your relationship a review, here are some questions to get you started:

- How do you feel about your relationship as you look back over the last 12 months?

- What parts made you feel fulfilled?

- What felt most frustrating?

- Are there any aspects around the way you relate together where you would like to see change?

 Discussing these questions with your partner could lead to growth or argument – depending on how you approach the conversation. The way that we communicate with each other is key here. Starting a sentence with: “I hate it when you…”, “You always…” is probably not going to get the most helpful response! Changing the ‘you’ to a ‘we’ will probably get a response that is far less defensive. For example, “When we first got together, we went out every Friday night and I’m sad that we don’t do that anymore”, sounds a lot less judgemental than, “When we first got together you took me out every Friday night and I’m sad that you don’t do that anymore”. The first ‘we’ sentence makes it easier for your partner to respond by saying something like, “You’re right, we did go out a lot more then. Maybe we could…”. The second ‘you’ sentence may get a response like, “You’re right, we did go out a lot more then when I organised it! Why can’t you…”.

If you’re hoping to do some work on your relationship together, take small steps that are realistic for two busy people to achieve. Investing small but regular deposits into a bank account will hopefully allow the fund to grow into a healthy bank balance over a period of time. It’s the same with relationships. Doing something small now is probably better than waiting for the right circumstances to occur in the future that will allow us to make a big change. If you need any support with this, feel free to get in touch.