Managing Christmas Expectations and Family Get-Togethers
The Christmas period, though a time of enjoyment and fun for many, can be equally tough for lots of individuals and families for a wide variety of reasons. Christmas is definitely a time of the year that can feel pressurised and overwhelming. If you can relate to this, and you’re preparing yourself mentally for another Christmas with your relatives, you’re not alone! Here are a few very simple ideas that could make it a little easier for you.
Communication:
Open and Honest Communication: Encourage open and honest conversations with your family members - especially if you think they are getting stressed by trying to meet everyone’s expectations.
Develop Boundaries for Yourself: Yes, Christmas is often seen as a time for families to get together but for some, this can feel like a nightmare! If you need to create a boundary to keep you feeling sane, safe or healthy this Christmas, communicate what you need and/or what people can expect from you clearly. Once you’ve communicated your need, don’t be afraid to hold this position.
Invitation to Share: Before Christmas Day arrives, invite other family members to share what they would ideally like to do this Christmas. Allow everyone to express their feelings and ideas without judgment.
Active Listening: Give your full attention to what your other family members say that they need or would like. Listen empathetically, validate their feelings and ideas, and respond thoughtfully, rather than just reacting to what is said.
Teamwork:
Divide and Conquer: If you’re hosting this Christmas, make it as easy for yourself as you can. Assign tasks and responsibilities to each person fairly, considering everyone's strengths and preferences.
Appreciation: If you’ve been lumbered with cooking the turkey and your brother in law has just been asked to bring the cheese and biscuits, it’s easy to feel a bit resentful. Acknowledging and verbally appreciating everyone’s efforts (no matter how small), really can help to thaw tensions by creating an atmosphere where each person feels valued and not judged.
Quality Time:
Create Shared Experiences: Plan activities that bring everyone together but which don’t feel too intense. Going for a family walk, organising a film night, or introducing some games that don’t take 45 minutes to explain the rules, bring everyone together, without the awkwardness of sitting around and making small talk.
Connection: Disconnect from work and tech when you can and use the Christmas period to focus on connecting with your loved ones. Nothing special is needed to achieve this. A few meaningful conversations, such as sharing some Christmas memories or stories from your past, is enough for genuine connection to take place.
Self-Care:
Lower Your Expectations: Let go of the pressure to create the ‘perfect’ Christmas. Aiming for perfection really does miss the spirit of the day!
Time Alone: If you need some time alone to reenergise, there is nothing wrong with this. Communicate it kindly to your family and don’t feel guilty. Then, when you’re back with your family members, you’ll be able to focus more easily on creating meaningful moments of connection with them.
By prioritising open and clear communication, teamwork, quality time together - all balanced with self-care - I hope that you’ll find the pressure and expectation that can so easily be present at Christmas, is a little easier to manage this year.
